Sunday, April 29, 2012

"Tough Love," by Meg Collins

Remember the days when your parents brought you up and, "Leave it to Beaver," was on the television which was black and white in the kitchen? Tough lessons and tough love is what I will be discussing with you today.
Many of us grew up with one parent and not two parents; it makes settling down with the right man or woman quite a challenge, especially in 2012. Higher standards and raising the bar time for many of us who are still single today. Why? I am going to help you solve that problem today and explain to you what I have learned after several years of dating and being single, and hence, why I remain single today. I grew up with a Mother who was both parents, and saw my Father once a year, if I was lucky. Hence, I lacked that Father figure role model that I needed in my life; I made poor choices in dating and marriage. I picked the emotionally unavailable men because that is all I knew and saw around my life. I remember waiting for a Christmas card from my Father the day before Christmas because he always sent the card by Fed Ex mail; he was always running behind, yet I loved the messages and letters he would write in those cards so much. It was not about the check that came with it at all. Well, for a little while when I was younger, it was I suppose, however, I got to a point in my life where I phoned my Dad and said, "Dad, rather than receive your checks, I would rather see you." It happened for a while and then went back and forth to once a year visits. 

When my Father was 76 years old, he came to me to apologize to me. He said, "I am so sorry. I have missed so many years with you. I regret it; all that time that I missed in your life." I told him,"Dad, I forgive you and we have today." For the next four years of his life, we were pen pals. I would ask him questions and he would respond to me in his letters, and if he was behind in writing me back, he called me to say, "I know, I know, Meg. I owe you a letter and it will be out to you this week." He finally understood what I meant that one day when I was a young girl; all I wanted was his time, not his money. My Father coded at 80 years old when I was at the foot of his bed. He waited for everyone to be okay and then, he passed onto heaven. I can also remember that I would send him religious books. I was not trying to be preachy, however he was getting older and I was not sure if he was saved or not at that point in his life. His response to my books was, "Well, Meg, if you think that by my reading these books that it will keep me out of hell, I will read them, okay?"
We had an interesting relationship as Daughter and Father, however, because he was rarely around and I spent so much of my life screaming inside, "See me, talk to me, visit me, hug me, hear me, listen to me, love me," I found myself in a spiral of not so healthy relationships. I am telling you this story so that if you are in the spiral of negative relationships that I was trapped in for several years, you will too, see the flags and work on trying to find a way back to what is healthy, what is Christian, and what to look for in a man of quality and love. I went back to my family of origin. I traced back all the relationships in my family, number of marriages, number of divorces, number of alcoholics, number of co-dependant's, and then I was beginning to have a few answers to work with in my archaeological dig of my own past time.
Then I was challenged. I had to list all my relationships up to 40 years old. I had to chart how they were, if they were healthy or unhealthy and why; this took me three months to complete and was quite a project for me to be given, right? I was able to figure out that a bulk of my relationships were unhealthy, so then I needed to make a list of the qualities I wanted in a partner. I listed ten and kept them in my wallet. I got to a point later in my life where I felt like I needed to have a questionnaire prior to a first date; I trashed that one to be honest with you. If you ask me today what I am looking for in a man it is: someone who goes to church, shows up at events, someone I can see once a week, a man who is close to his Mother, because how he treats his Mother is a direct reflection of how he will treat me, honesty, and a man that has a plan for what he wants out of his life.
Let us go back a bit to the last remark-a plan for what he wants for his life, not mine. You define what you want out of your own life and mesh your life with someone else's and lift one another up in the process of any adversity.This is important because no one in the world can make you happy; that is your job. If you are not happy with your own self, you probably do not belong in a relationship at all at this time. First, find out who you are, and then and only then, if you had an absent parent in your life, try what I did and see if it works. I cannot offer a money back guarantee for this one, folks, however I can tell you that I am choosing much healthier men in my life now.
I was blessed with the best Mother in the world, and my Father, he loved me as best as he knew how to in his life. My message is pretty clear this month to accept and forgive people for their faults, and move forward in finding out what you want for you in your life, and in your relationships with other people in your life. We all have a shelf life and our expiration date is unknown. Today my friends, make every day count, and celebrate the people in your life with their faults and all, as none of us are perfect; only God is perfect. Lower your expectations so that the Berlin wall that you may have up may be chipped away slowly; your heart deserves to be loved by another. Take a leap of faith with me and explore the very being of your soul this month. 

Be well and of good spirits, my friends!


Meg Collins
Columnist, Radio Show Host, Editor, Ghostwriter, Poet, and Author
Contact Meg directly at

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Unemployment rise in 2011
rom Nancy Duci Denofio:

We are in the middle of a season known for "Joy, Peace, Love," while people continue to struggle with everyday life. It all began when men and women were taken away to fight a war we should never have started. We, as I mentioned in other posts, have the intelligence to find anyone within a very short period of time. The war was one of greed, and the Americans who fought, families who waited, and those who suffer from the changes in our society because of a war that killed, destroyed, and changed nothing but our lives, not for the good. Those who fought for us I do give credit, for it takes a strong man or woman to leave and face a world unknown. Nancy

My response: 

Hi Nancy Denofio :) How are you today? Great posting as always! Nancy, I must say that it is amazing that the unemployment rate has not gotten much better. There are some that are getting seasonal jobs, however after the holidays, they are out of work again. I tell everyone that I know that complains about a job that it IS a job and many do not have a job at all and to feel grateful for employment. From what I have been told, many are not receiving unemployment benefits and there is also a wait on getting healthcare through the state as well. It is a struggle in society today for the things our parents advised us that would BE of total security to us in our lives--going to college-getting a good company job--being able to retire at a decent age--buying a home-and government and county jobs would hold as the security for us, for many, do not exist any longer. Nyla Alisia was part of a movement that does help and has seen many changes in Oregon and speaks highly of the movement that she participated in recently. In Maryland, I do not seen a great change right now and 7-11's are being robbed in DC like mad now. Where is the security in walking down the road like we did as kids and knowing you will be safe because society has made better changes to help people, or is it that are next generation will suffer due to lack of recreational centers and libraries that are being shut down? I question many things at this time in 2011 and am hopeful that 2012 qill be more prosperous for all people,a s too many are poverty stricken at this time.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Life Shared with a Twist of Dysfunction

Growing up in a single parent home must have been a struggle for my Mother. I always thought that she must have cried herself to sleep at night many times in her life. I can now say that her life was less of a struggle, in that she was around a supportive family of Brothers and Sisters. I feel that in ones mind we create and recreate situations, trying desperately to redefine and rediscover our own personal identities. Pulled down by others, in what feels, appears to be a dysfunctional family.What are the boundaries? Have we set and kept them and are those boundaries kept with the toxins in our lives; the toxic people that can knock us down at a moments notice with simple a few negative words? Do you today, even know who those toxic people are in your lives? Growing  up is hard enough, however to have to start all over at the ages of 20 and 30 makes it much more difficult in that we are, "Re-learning," and "Revisiting," who we truly are in life as individuals. Toxicity comes in many shapes, forms,and sizes in life and can tear a spirit and soul in half, if you are not truly careful in your lives.  No one is at fault or in the wrong in a dysfunctional family. Maybe I, just as yourselves possibly, was chosen so that I may share my thoughts and visions with you in my new book; this book I started a few days ago which will possibly be titled, "A Life Shared with a Twist of Dysfunction." I was recently compared to someone that had fallen in a dark hole yet my friend Nyla could see my eyes. She knew I was in a rut and would find my way out, (hence throwing me a rope as well so that I could climb out of the hole), which I always do in life, no matter what the struggle. I am a survivor, not a victim in my life. I am solution-oriented, not problem-oriented. There is a definite difference in the two of those--problem oriented OR solution oriented. I was working my way through something; most of my life has been spent working through or towards something in life. I seemed to be that girl that was working on being someone my parents would be truly proud of and I can remember my father's visits like they were yesterday. I wanted to scream,  "Hear me! See me! Tell me how great you think I am, Dad! Talk about me like you talk about total strangers at a bar." I felt like I did not measure up in his eyes all my life; to his expectations. I was truly blessed to have those last four years with him, when we spent ample time together, getting to know each other and bonding with him. He kinda knew me, however never as well a s my Mother.  Mother heard my illness in tones, even when I was on the telephone; she knew I was not taking my allergy medication merely by my voice. She, somehow knew everything about me. Now, I, as a Mother, a Single Mother know my own Mother's struggles. The one thing that she never wanted for me is for me to struggle as she did in her life. Well, here I am, Mom! At least I am not sleeping in a BART bathroom like Will Smith and his son in the famed movie, "The Pursuit of Happiness." It is truly amazing the grace that has refueled my life today, in simply regaining a sliver of my own Independence again in my life.I am not certain when my life truly began, when I was set free of the toxic bondage's in my life; it may be right now, with you, here today.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Today's writing tip from Meg Collins

No matter what the mood you may be in today, writer's block does not exist; we as writer's, always have something to say and it has been said that writer's are much healthier than non-writers in the world. 

Make it a point to write something every single day, for your words have an effect on many people's lives, including my life! Namaste*


Meg Collins
Host on Page Turners with Red River Radio BTR
Interviews can be found on itunes and on Utube 
My books can be purchased on
"Twinkle, Twinkle Starry Sky, " and, "My Magnum Opus." 
Partial proceeds of all books purchased go to cancer research.

The Train to Somewhere by Meg Collins